Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Thursday

Top Bar Jokes

Panda Bar Joke
A Panda Walks Into A Bar..




Today's posting is yet another of our popular short joke series!

The following are all "bar-related" short joke, that will make you laugh, or maybe chuckle or even shake your head..lol!

Best Short Bar Jokes

  1. The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

  2. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.

  3. A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables.
    The bartender says, buddy, I’ll serve you as long as you don’t start anything.

  4. A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”
    note: "my newt" sounds like minute

  5. A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts.
    Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.
    Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back,
    I’m a panda. Google me!”
    Sure enough,the bartender googles "panda":
    A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring.
    Eats, shoots and leaves.”

  6. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”
    The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

  7. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why, such a long face?.”

  8. This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.

  9. So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

  10. A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under one arm. The man says, “Beer, please, and one for the road.”





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Wednesday

Q: What do you call sad coffee?" A: Despresso. #Jokes

Here is today's top ten best short jokes, okay, some may be stupid, I guess the depends of your "pain tolerance for humor"? Did the make sense?

  1. Q: What do you call sad coffee?"
    A: Despresso.

  2. Q: Why are frogs so happy?
    A: They eat whatever bugs them

  3. Q: How do you make an Octopus laugh?
    A: With ten-tickles

  4. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
    A. Milk and quackers!

  5. Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
    Man, that hit the "spot."

  6. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
    A: A bulldozer!

  7. Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
    A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

  8. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    A: Frostbite.

  9. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
    A: Sunday, of course!

  10. Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
    A: Spring time.


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Sunday

Diabetic Meme

I hope you enjoy the following diabetes related meme. In no way, I am trying to make fun of a serious medical condition.

diabetic dust bunny
Image via TheDiabetesHeroes.com


A doctor was asked on Twitter, what was one of the funniest memories he had about a patient. Below, was his response
doctor's stupid question asked from a patient, diabetes, diabetic, insulin pump

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Tuesday

Funny Frog Jokes

A Frog And A Cowboy
A Frog And A Cowboy


Sometimes frogs can be funny. Here is a collection of my favorite frog jokes
  1.   A cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was fixing fences out on the range.

      Three weeks later, a frog walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.

      He took the precious book out of the frog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

    "Not really," said the frog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

  2. What do stylish frogs wear? Jumpsuits!



  3. Why are frogs so happy?
    They eat whatever bugs them!

  4. What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
    Lilly.

  5. Whats a frogs favorite game?
    It's croak-et!

  6. What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
    A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!

  7. What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig?
    A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.

  8. How do frogs die?
    They kermit suicide!

  9. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
    Open toad!

  10. What's a frogs favorite flower?
    A croakus!

  11. How do you make frog legs?
    In a croak pot.

  12. Whats the preferred car of frogs? The Beetle.

  13. What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog? A croakadile.

  14. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.

  15. What do you call a rich frog?
    A golf blooded amphibian!

  16. What do toads drink?
    Croaka-cola!

  17. What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
    A hoppercraft!

  18. Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
    He was afraid of getting toad!

  19. What do frogs drink?
    Hot croako!

  20. What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad? Star Warts!

  21. What kind of shoes to frogs like?
    Open toad sandals!

  22. Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
    Because he was newt to the area!

  23. Where do frogs keep their treasure?
    In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

  24. Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
    A hot frog!

  25. What is a frogs favorite time?
    Leap Year!

  26. What did the bus driver say to the frog?
    Hop on!

  27. What do you call a frog with no hind legs?
    Unhoppy!

  28. WWhat goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
    Morse toad!

  29. Whats the world weakest animal?
    A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!

  30. What kind of pole is short and floppy?
    A tadpole!

  31. What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
    A bunny ribbit.

  32. What happens when two frogs collide?
    They get tongue tied!

  33. What do drunk toads play?
    Hop-scotch

  34. What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog? A jumprope!

  35. Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?
    He had his own frog horn!

  36. Where do you get frogs eggs?
    At the spawn shop!

  37. What does a frog say when it sees something great?
    Toadly awesome!

  38. How does a frog win a gold medal?
    In the long jump.

  39. What's a toads favorite candy? Lollihops!

  40. What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog? A croaker spaniel!

  41. How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs?
    They sit eggsaminations!

  42. What is a frogs favorite time?
    Leap Year!

  43. What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
    Lily!

  44. What do you call a talking frog?
    A quantum leap.




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Thursday

Today's Best Puns 13



Here are my favorite puns of the day.
  1. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

  2. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.

  3. How do you organize a space party? You Planet.

  4. It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

  5. For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.



Five-Best-Puns-Cannibals-BrianMc-(myway2fortune,info)
Best Puns


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Monday

Best Short Jokes 6



  • A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

  • Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

  • What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

  • What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeƱo business.

  • What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!


  • For More Best Short Jokes Pinterest
    Best Short Jokes 1, #2, #3, #4, #5

    What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie,Best-Short-Joke-6-(BrianMc-myway2fortune.info)
    Dentist Joke


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    Friday

    Best Short Jokes 3

    To continue with my previous best short jokes postings that I found online. Here are five more funny short jokes that hopefully will make you laugh!
    If you know of a short funny joke, please leave it in the comments, and I just might add it to my next posting and credit you! Enjoy

    1. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

    2. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

    3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    4. Just went to an emotional wedding.
      Even the cake was in tiers.

    5. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.


    6. For More Best Short Jokes
    Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. Best Short Joke 3,BrianMc,myway2fortune.info
    Just went to an emotional wedding.Even the cake was in tiers.


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    Saturday

    Today's Best Puns - 6



    Do you find "puns" funny? Do you think that puns are a great play on words?
    I have collected (see source) for some of the best and funniest puns online!
    Check out the favorite 5 best puns of the day! Oh, yeah, feel free to add your favorite pun in the comment section!
    1. I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot.

    2. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

    3. The trampoline was on sale for fifty per cent off. Needless to say I jumped on the offer.

    4. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

    5. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.


    br />
    Todays Best Puns 6 humor,mw2f.blogspot.ca, BrianMc
    Funny Puns 6


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    Friday

    Today's Best Puns - 5

    Do you find "puns" funny? Do you think that puns are a great play on words?
    I have collected (see source) for some of the best and funniest puns online!
    Check out the favorite 5 best puns of the day! Oh, yeah, feel free to add your favorite pun in the comment section!
    1. I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

    2. Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

    3. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'.

    4. Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.

    5. You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!



    Todays Best Puns 5, mw2f.blogspot.ca, BrianMc)
    Today's Best Five Puns


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    Today's Jokes - First Child, Invisible Man and Teepee




    Six Pack Short Joke


    For today's joke, we have selected three short ones!

    1. A man spoke frantically into the phone,
      "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
      "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
      "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

    2. Nurse: "Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room"!
      Doctor: "Well, go in there and tell him I can't see him"!!

    3. An Indian chief walks into a psychiatrist’s office.
      The doctor says, "What seems to be the problem?"
      The chief excitedly exclaims, "I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee!"
      The psychiatrist tells him, "Relax, Chief, you’re just two tents."
    (1) and (2) Jokes borrowed from http://www.retrojunkie.com/jokes/medical.htm
    (3) Joke borrowed from http://www.manwalksintoajoke.com/psychiatry


    Tuesday

    Who Says Canadians Aren’t Real Bright



    Who says Canadians aren’t real bright??

    Hello, is this the Police?”
    “Yes. What do you want?”
    “I’m calling to report about my neighbor Brian Mc! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
    “Thank you very much for the call, sir.


    The next day, the Police Drug Squad descended on Brian Mc’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but couldn't find no marijuana. They swore at Brian Mc and left.

    The phone rings at Brian Mc’s house.
    Hey, Brian! Did the Police come?”
    “Yeah!”
    “Did they chop your firewood?”
    “Yep.”
    “Happy Birthday Buddy!

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  • Wednesday

    Today's Top Quotes and Insults






    Hope you enjoyed the above amazing street art! Since, this image was found on Google search and didn't have any type of information attached to it (location etc), if you are familiar where this street art is located, please include it in hte comment section!

    Today's Top Quotes and Insults
    I have collected and wanted to share my favorite quotes of the day from Justin Bieber, my favorite insults and comebacks, my favorite song quotes from the Beatles! Feel free to bookmark this blog posting and share with your friends on Twitter and Facebook!
    Thanks for checking out this best Justin Bieber quotes, amazing 3D street art, top insults and best song quotes from the Beatles posting.

    1. For the Best Justin Bieber Quotes
    2. For Cool Gifts for Justin Bieber Fans!

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  • Friday

    Just Because



    "Just because you see me talking to a gay person (LGBT) doesn't mean I am gay!

    It like if you see me reading a book doesn't mean I am the author!
    " (quote by BrianMc)


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    Today's Joke - Rose



    Just thought I share a joke or two that I heard or came across recently! Hope you find them funny!
    ~~Today's Joke ~~


    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

    The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

    The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

    'Do you mean a rose?'

    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'


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    updated by BrianMc!